By nature, women exert a certain amount of power over men. We see it beginning in the garden, when Adam meets his helpmate and then when he yields to Eve’s persuasion, resulting in the birth of sin. Throughout scripture, women often influence men either for good or for evil.

Men can be swayed, for better or worse, by a woman’s beauty or by her vulnerability. Joab, King David’s commander-in-chief, recognized this simple truth and enlisted the acting skills of the so-called wise woman of Tekoa.

The woman became a tool in the hands of a master strategist. 

An Attempt to Fix a Messy Family

Though God described David as “a man after my own heart,” the king didn’t always conduct himself with integrity. We see his sinful choices multiple times, most notably in his adultery with Bubble Bathsheba (thank you, Veggie Tales) and the ensuing murder of her righteous husband, Uriah the Hittite. (See 2 Samuel 11.) 

A year later, the prophet Nathan confronts a still-unrepentant David with his sin using an allegory about an unrighteous rich man who stole from a poor man to help David recognize his guilt. David sees himself in the story. He confesses and repents. But his family—and his kingdom—have suffered grievous consequences.

Before long, David’s son Amnon rapes his virgin half-sister Tamar. Then her full brother, Absalom, murders the unsuspecting Amnon in a plan two years in the making. Absalom escapes to Geshur, going into self-exile. (See 2 Samuel 13.)

The woman from Tekoa is about to take the stage.

A Page from a Prophet’s Playbook

Joab’s heart was for the king and the future of the kingdom. But Joab’s heart might also have been for Joab. Maybe he saw in Absalom an heir to the throne, so he seized upon an opportunity to endear himself to David’s estranged son. Or maybe he wanted to endear himself further to the current king.

So he pulled a page from the prophet Nathan’s playbook.

Now Joab the son of Zeruiah knew that the king’s heart went out to Absalom. And Joab sent to Tekoa and brought from there a wise woman and said to her, “Pretend to be a mourner and put on mourning garments. Do not anoint yourself with oil, but behave like a woman who has been mourning many days for the dead. Go to the king and speak thus to him.” So Joab put the words in her mouth.—2 Samuel 14:1-3 (ESV)

The woman lays before David a tragic tale of widowhood and one son’s accidental death at the hands of the other. She pleads with the king to spare the life of her remaining son.

David looks at what he believes to be a grieving widow in danger of losing her only remaining son. Moved with compassion, he agrees to protect him. But wait. She’s not done. Next she pours on praise—likening David to “an angel of God to discern good and evil” (2 Samuel 14:17 ESV)—before setting her trap.

The woman turns the tables on David to ensure the protection and restoration of Absalom. David recognizes he has been played, seeing Joab’s hand behind the ploy. 

So Was She Wise?

Joab and the woman got their way, and Absalom returned home. We’ll get to the nuclear fallout of that shortly.

First, let’s deal with the descriptor of “wise.”

Pastors, speakers and Bible commentators are all over the place about the wisdom of the woman of Tekoa. But I fall in the camp believing she was less than wise. Here’s why.

First, Joab might have played a page from the prophet Nathan’s playbook, but their purposes were at odds with one another. Nathan’s purpose was to convict David of his sin and lead him to repentance. Joab’s was to manipulate.

Second, Nathan’s script in 2 Samuel 12 fits the circumstances. It depicts a ruthless, selfish rich man who takes advantage of a poorer man—e.g. David, with his wealth and wives, and Uriah, with his lesser standing and one wife. 

The woman’s script, on the other hand, depicts an accidental killing that will result in the execution of her only remaining son. But Amnon’s death at Absalom’s hands was anything but accidental. It was planned and carried out with malicious intent. And David had many other sons, though his mourning for Absalom sometimes left him blinded to that fact.

Good Plans Gone Bad

Despite David’s heartbreak over Absalom, the two didn’t meet face to face for two full years. This came after the once-estranged son burned Joab’s barley crops in anger. 

After finally reconciling with his father, Absalom still wasn’t satisfied. He really didn’t want a relationship with his father after all. He wanted his father’s throne. So he launched an insurrection to overtake the kingdom, even if it meant his father’s death. (See 2 Samuel 15.) Once again, David found himself running for his life.

It wasn’t David who ended up dying but Absalom—at the hands of Joab, no less. Solomon, David’s son from Bathsheba, became heir to the throne. But David’s family and his kingdom remained in shambles.

What We Can Learn from Her

As we read this story and consider the woman’s role in it, we should consider the words of Jesus:

Yet wisdom is justified by her children.—Luke 7:35 (ESV)

Joab’s intervention in David’s family using the “wise” woman of Tekoa didn’t spare the king from further heartbreak or the kingdom from further upset. It amplified the chaos.

Be Spirit-led. Be prayerful. Be a woman of integrity. Refuse to be a tool in the hands of a master manipulator.

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This is Part 22 in a series about biblical women—some named, some not, some honorable, some less so. But all have earned a place in scripture, and all have important lessons to teach us.