Grief demands time, space and acknowledgment. Some people push it aside. Some internalize it and allow it to consume them. And some allow it to boil over into rage. 

Michal’s grief expressed itself in rage. She had known hard loss—not once, not twice, but three times. Her first husband was forced to flee for his life. Then she lost her father and three brothers all at once in battle. Finally she was stolen away from a man who had come to love her and was forced to return to her first husband, David.

She directed her infamous outburst toward David for his lack of dignity. But her rage likely went far deeper.

Her First Love and Loss

A skilled harpist, David became a one-man boy band for King Saul, whose troubled heart found peace under the spell of David’s dulcet tunes. To Saul’s youngest daughter, Michal, David was a teen heartthrob. 

Then young David scored international fame when he defeated the Philistine giant Goliath with a stone and a sling (1 Samuel 17). Saul promoted him to chief armor bearer as David became Israel’s poster boy for courage. Jealousy consumed Saul as throngs cheered for David.

So the king offered David his oldest daughter, Merab, in marriage in return for David fighting off the Philistines. Perhaps the Philistines would kill David’s rival, Saul thought. But David—anointed to replace Saul when his reign was over—said he was unworthy.

Now Saul’s daughter Michal loved David. And they told Saul, and the thing pleased him. Saul thought, “Let me give her to him, that she may be a snare for him and that the hand of the Philistines may be against him. Therefore Saul said to David a second time, “You shall now be my son-in-law.”—1 Samuel 18:20-21 (ESV)

In exchange, David had to produce 100 Philistine foreskins, which required killing 100 warriors. Surely this would result in his death, Saul thought. David produced 200. He won his bride.

But their love story soon took a dark turn.

Death Threats and Death of a Marriage

Saul still wanted David dead. Aware the king’s spies were lying in wait, Michal felt compelled to protect her beloved husband.

But Michal, David’s wife, told him, “If you do not escape with your life tonight, tomorrow you will be killed.” So Michal let David down through the window, and he fled away and escaped.—1 Samuel 19:11b-12 (ESV)

I imagine the last looks David and Michal exchanged as he escaped, not knowing whether either of them would live or die. The king and his men could still track and kill David. The king could kill his daughter for her complicity in David’s escape. Would they ever see one another again?

They would. But for now, Michal would grieve her first loss, a man who had risked his life to gain her hand.

From a Prize to a Possession

A lot changed in the eight years David fled from Saul. The king had given Michal to another man, Paltiel the son of Laish (1 Samuel 25:44). David, meanwhile, had taken two new wives, Abigail and Ahinoam.

Eventually the Philistines, the very enemies Saul had hoped would kill David, instead killed Saul and three of his sons. This became Michal’s second loss.

Her third could hit even harder.

Saul’s death meant that David could claim the throne of his tribe Judah and begin fighting his way to the promised kingship of Israel. And now David wanted to reclaim what was his.

Then David sent messengers to Ish-bosheth, Saul’s son, saying, “Give me my wife Michal, for whom I paid the bridal price of a hundred foreskins of the Philistines.” And Ish-bosheth sent and took her from her husband Paltiel the son of Laish. But her husband went with her, weeping after her all the way to Bahurim.—2 Samuel 3:14-16 (ESV)

David never asked Michal if she wanted to return to him. He took her back by force. This was Michal’s third loss. And here is where I believe bitterness took root.

Her Infamous Dig

David eventually claimed the throne over all Israel. Then he recaptured the ark of the covenant and brought it back into Jerusalem with much fanfare. David rejoiced. Michal did not.

As the ark of the Lord came into the city of David, Michal the daughter of Saul looked out of the window and saw King David leaping and dancing before the Lord, and she despised him in her heart . . . And David returned to bless his household. But Michal the daughter of Saul came out to meet David and said, “How the king of Israel honored himself today, uncovering himself today before the eyes of his servants’ female servants, as one of the vulgar fellows shamelessly uncovers himself!”—2 Samuel 6:16, 20 (ESV)

David—who was not naked but was dressed in a priest’s linen ephod—defended his unabashed worship of the Lord. He chose to honor God over respecting royal decorum.

And Michal the daughter of Saul had no child to the day of her death.—2 Samuel 6:23 (ESV)

I suspect Michal’s disgust stemmed from bitterness toward David for wrenching her away from the love and stability she had come to know in the arms of Paltiel. But maybe it ran even deeper.

I believe she had grown bitter toward the Lord. Though she could see the Lord was with David, perhaps she missed seeing His hand in her own life.

What We Can Learn from Her

Was Michal a pawn in a man’s world? Undoubtedly. Had she suffered great hurt?Absolutely. But we see in 1 Samuel 19:13 that Michal kept idols long before bitterness set in. Perhaps her faith was shaped by her father, who lost the throne for coming up with his own set of rules about how to honor God.

Despite her much-criticized behavior, it’s important we don’t diminish Michal’s suffering. But in her pain, she missed something important: The Lord was the one constant available to her through all her heartache. David, though imperfect, chose to honor Him above honoring himself. Michal, meanwhile, chose to cling to her bitterness instead of clinging to one who had never left her side. And that remains her unfortunate legacy.

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This is Part 25 in a series about biblical women—some named, some not, some honorable, some less so. But all have earned a place in scripture, and all have important lessons to teach us.